Sickening.

i don't know what it is with me these days. i'm a silent emotional wreck. it's like.. i know WHY, but i utterly refuse to come to terms with it.

my dreams have basically been my mental tomb. sleep has been the last thing on my mind to the point where i fight it until i lose. it's not healthy, i know. try telling my body that. there's also an odd edge of excitement. i'll have a superb surge of energy one moment, and then be completely drained the next..

i don't know what the fuck's causing this.

there's too much shit going on with me and the future forward progression of my life that i can't seem to calm the hell down while keeping my cool.

i hope my indirect advances give me the answers i need. i want to sleep good again, and not have too much stress on my conscious.

NBA + Fall Break + Solis' 21st Birthday.

this week is going to be so fucking EPIC.

solis is FINALLY 21.
i'm going to a pre-season NBA game to see the Bobcats vs. Thunder tomorrow night.
i finished majority of my midterms since my Marketing exam is postponed until next Thursday.

i must say..

life is fucking sweeeet.. well, with the exception of my love life lmao
my mind constantly changes of what i'd like to have and what i'd want.
yes.. i know. i'm indecisive. i have every reason to be.. but then i have recently let someone who doesn't matter anymore get to me.. and booooy did he get under my skin in such a short amount of time.

this is the 2nd time that's happened to me, and i've been single since February 2009 =|

i already have something like.. an invisible placeholder for someone, but my feelings for him get intertwined with my feelings for another guy.. and then i get all compromised, and THEN i'm an emotional mess. it's fucking frustrating. the funny thing about both of them? I. CAN'T. HAVE. THEM.

it pisses me ooooff! i don't even want to continue this, because i have always had this horrible habit of meeting great guys [since last year] who have issues, come in my life at the wrong time, in a relationship, have lived with chick, blah blah blah shenanigans. i think there's something about me that needs to change..

..but i don't know what the fuck it is.

it can't be who i am, my looks OR my personality, because apparently that's what draws guys in. i can't put my finger on it, but i hope i get an answer soon. an ex-boyfriend indirectly pointed out the significance of my upcoming age [coming soon], and it made me realize that my fun time is really running it's course.

i think it's time i get a little more serious about the men i deal with. casual shenanigans are fine, but that fucking shit is really getting old.