The Easter Beagle.

as well all know [thanks to utter confusion and excitement], easter falls extremely early this year. with that being said? i'm totally excited for that charlie brown special they air every year! yes, i am a big fucking kid.. no, i don't care that you're looking at me funny lol

in the meantime amongst all the easter business, my mommy's 42nd birthday is on thursday! i can't wait to hype her up, and most of all? tell her how hawt she is for a woman her age. this is just going to be another year where people [and men especially] will believe she's younger than what she really is lol

Seared Foie Gras W/ Shenanigans.

i'm in the center of a large plate, and i can't escape the steak sauce. it keeps inching closer and closer. with that being said, i'm just going to stop any forward conversation anyone ever asks me about broderick. his confusion confuses me no matter what i may have said, acted upon, etc. lol

people you never thought you'd be attracted to are not suppose to be this much of a handful lol nope. i don't regret shit; i never do. however, i'm rather annoyed at knowing he's no longer "single". keeping up with his relationship status is like running with weights on your shoulders =|

i'm quite entertained, though. out of respect for him AND his relationship, i'm not going to do/say anything unless he does/says something first. i'm going back to my "original" plan.. and it worked until he told me whatever he told me, which i'm not going to get into right now; we just talked about different shit on numerous occasions hahaha

What A Chilling Chronicle, Comrade.

i'm going to take this moment to seriously laugh at myself..

*proceeds to die of laughter*

apparently i took my previous bloggature completely out of context.. including the information i got. however, it wasn't initially my fault.. so it's okay lmao

as i'm getting to the point of things, that genius felt the need to give me what he calls a "long range heads up"; who the fuck does that nonsense? lol =|

i'm not even going to be here next year to even care whether or not he gets married.. and if i am? what the fuck does that still have to do with me? lmao oh my shit bucket.. men are fucking retarded sometimes. i just know only one thing now.. i'm going to keep my distance without really keeping my distance. the more i talk to a dude who already knows i'm feeling them? the moooore i like them.. and that's one pickle i'm not trying to place myself in.

i'm not trying to be sappy when he deploys and shit.. FUCK. THAT. y'all have no idea how much of a lauce that would be on my end.

that shit is no bueno.

Spoken To Exist.

last night's entry?
rofflemywoffle.

guess who's getting married? *points to man mentioned in previous entry*

guess who's turned off? *points to self*

that settles this entry. it's hilarious, too. i dislike talking people up, and BOOM. i wasn't prepared for that. NOT. AT. ALL.

oh well.. he called me earlier when i was in class, and i have yet to call him back. i've been a little tied up tonight doing absolutely nothing lmao

Vulnerability.

my name is rizzy.

i ain't perfect.

i work hard.. so i deserve it.

i belong right where you see me.. but you can't see me, because i refuse to showcase any type of vulnerability to anyone.

the capricorn in me won't allow it. no matter how much interest i might show in someone, it won't be 100%; my interest is shown in bits and pieces. it may be wrong, but i don't really give a fuck.

this occurred to me when i was talking to my mom a little over a hour ago [and of course this blog is for my venting purposes]. she asked me about broderick and where we stand as a "we" when i told her that my friends think he's pretty lame for whatever reason they feel. i've figured it out myself, and that pretty much every guy i've been involved with and that they met? they've always felt they were pretty lame.. but then again they do call me the oddball of the group.. so i'm guessing they're used to it lol

back to the vulnerability bit of all this nonsense, i also think they're confused about how i've managed to carve out my "relationship" with him.. and it's probably difficult for them to grasp, because they don't know where to put him. fuck that.. i don't even know where to put him.

i don't want to wrap myself too much around him, because i feel it's going to be a recipe for disaster. although.. i do like talking to him, being around him, etc. the disappointment part sets in.. and my guard goes completely up. shit.. i even find myself talking to other guys just to fill in the void of kind of preparing myself for when he leaves. even though we aren't as serious as time permits, it fucking pisses me off to the point where even if i were to inquire such a small step toward greatness..

*ducks down for explosives*

everything'll go kablam in my face like i normally does.

so, really? fuck it.

i'm going to have as much fun as possible no matter how confused i might become at times. i'm seriously trying to figure out where he belongs in my life, because i'd like to keep him there.. WHEREVER i put his ass. i'm not the type of person to shut people out who i think i mesh with pretty well..

fuuuuck.

i reallyreallyreally loathe the timing, but what can i really do about that shit? *shrugs*

*sigh*

in the meantime.. the fun shalt commence, and my ear shalt continue to listen for bumps in the road.

Fuck Boys.

fuck boy (n): boy who happens to obtain infinite amounts of fuck within their being.

i seriously dislike these type of dudes. why? THEY'RE. FUCKING. RETARDED.

majority of the time? this is the main reason why i don't tell my folks who i'm caking with; they don't need to know about every guy.. especially if their fuckedupness drives me toward the lane of disinterest, and i lose interest very quickly.

i felt the need to share this, because i've been highly irritated for about majority of the day trying to take care of shit.. and juggle these shenanigans called men =|

yes. i said men.

these options are killing me lmao

Growing Roster.

i have no idea what it is, but dudes love me. i know i'm awesome, but damn.. i find myself in another interesting situation of juggling, but only this time? THREE. DIFFERENT. GUYS. last summer, and going into the fall wasn't a success; they only lasted for a season, so it's obvious i'm not talking to them anymore..

moving on..

i want to thank solis for teaching me well all these years lmao this mouthpiece of mine has been stirring up a lot of trouble within the past few nights. although i'd like to nightcap with broderick, he's doing his own thing.. especially since he's newly "single" now [although you can't be what you already were =|], but of course he says otherwise. i'm only going by what he said haha but that's besides the point.. i'm going to play everything by nose.

however, i do have a strange feeling this commitment thing is going to sneak up on me.. no matter how much i despise that shit right now. the higher forces always have a way of interfering with my life.