Misinterpretations.

it's amazing what can escalate in a matter of minutes.

[the scenario]
my Mom wants to go to Louisiana this weekend. she pitched the idea to me last week when i went to see her at the mini mall when i went grocery shopping with Jhazmine. can you say left field, much?

[the decision]
i told her then i did not want to go the instant she mentioned it. i wanted to stay in Fayetteville with my friends and whatnot, and through new years.

[the problem]
i talked to my Dad yesterday when he called my phone, and he said my Paw Paw wasn't doing too great; he's been in an out of the hospital more than ever and they think he might have cancer.

i told my Mom i have no other choice but to go with them, and she goes ballistic. i mean.. the woman just went off for no apparent reason. she begins with my age [i don't make 20 for another week =|]. she says i'm grown, and that no one needs to force me to do anything, because of my attitude.

where the fuck is she getting this from? it's pissing me off. in any discussion with her or if she asks me a question, i have a fucking attitude. God. my age has nothing to do with me now having a "legitimate reason" to go. i know.. she is my mother.. blah blah.. but she has no right to see fit what is "legitimate". i don't question her when she doesn't want to do anything, so why should she question me?

ugh.

i don't even feel like typing about this shit anymore..

Christmas!

the following is what i got before/on christmas:

the story behind this photo can only be seen in full length on my facebook page. if you are my friend, i'm sure you have laughed your ass off by now.

2nd Chances.

ever since i've gotten back with Ced, the ones closest to me were a bit confused. they didn't understand to an extent why i decided to be with him again. from my point of view, everyone deserves a 2nd chance.. HOWEVER, it really depends on the circumstances of the initial "break-up" to ever reconsider dating that person again.

sure.. i really disliked Ced for his decision. i didn't want to talk to him.. i didn't even pick up the phone to call him. the break-up was all left field; i wasn't expecting it. there were all kinds of emotions. my friends would ask me what happened, and then would go on to say that his decision was indeed a stupid one. i'm proud, and glad to say that he has indeed wholeheartedly apologized for his actions, and for being a bit selfish [and he was lol].. him being considerate of my feelings made me remember why i fell in love with him in the first place..

which brings me to my initial topic..

i had a very interesting conversation with my ex the other night [through texting]. we were just talking and whatnot; i was hanging out at Solis' apartment. i told him i had gotten back with Ced, and that i believed in giving 2nd chances.. then he goes on to say that "i guess people deserve 2nd chances, not in my case thought right?". i went on to tell him that it depended on the circumstances.. and in his case? the night we forcefully broke-up didn't deserve another chance lol because of the way things between us ended, i never really had any "closure", because neither one of us didn't like bringing up what happened. in a way, i'm kind of glad we had that convo.. it was a way of closure for me. even though i've already moved on, it pretty much sealed the deal.

in the meantime.. i think i made a very wise decision with Ced. i hope shit brings us to the year we have been working for! i love him with every fabric of my being [/cliche']

Just A Little Bit..

[17] more days until i'm 20!

now, alls i gots to do is make a list of what i want.. but where do i start!?

Espanol.

i love my mind sometimes, man.. greatest. thing. ever.

so i'm in the living room watching this lame ass AVP: Requiem for the second time, when it dawns on me that i'm humming this old tune my Spanish 1 teacher, Mrs. Clark, used to play whenever she got the chance. i used to love it, but i never asked her who sang the song..

well.. i found it!

Juanes feat. Nelly Furtado - Fotografia:

Inkage!

[22] more days until i'm 20. yes. i plan on doing alot. my birthday falls on a saturday, and it could not get any better.. that means i have a whole fucking birthday weekend up in this beeeetch.

crunk.

on a side note.. in regards to being spectacularly busy with my own school work, including sketches for class and what not.. i have been completely sidetracked to doing a design for a homeboy of mine in florida. he just reminded me the other day, and now i feel all bad lol =P well, not completely. i will be sure to make amends for it once i get the concept of what i want to draw out in my head. also, i will most definitely be doing my own shit as well. i think the concept i have now is about as original as i can make it..

damn.
i love dozing off during speech exams, and coming up with the illest. shit. ever.

inspiration rocks.

Bang, Bang, Bang.

the end of the fall semester is here! yes! in reflection, i kicked ass this semester.

major ass.

i can't wait for the spring. i have 3D, 4D, and Art History II. i love how i will be more involved with my major. man, this rocks. i think i will have about 16 hrs. worth of classes. the only sad thing, i won't only have just three days of class each week.

=[

boo to that.

Magazine Flippage.

i'm reading this magazine for like.. the millionth time. the execution of the entire dedication to aaliyah was just FLAWLESS. i remember when i was out one day with Jhazmine and Lincoln, and she was looking for a text book for her online class. we went to both Books-A-Million and Barnes and Nobles, and i took it upon myself to look for the Fader in each store..

when we walked into Barnes and Nobles.. i rushed to the magazine section, and that's when i laid eyes upon the beauty..

there were only two copies left. i grabbed the both of them and hauled ass to surprise Jhazmine. she screamed. i shrieked. people were definitely giving us glares. i can say without a doubt, that was the best. day. ever.

there was another girl who was kind of glaring at us.. i think she was mighty green with envy. better luck next time.. i work fast.

That Nigga Driz-zay!

fuck.
if Drake didn't go in on this fucking Kanye beat, i don't know what else to say.

Drake - Say You Will, mix 2

he just keeps getting better.
and better.
and better.

gah.
this man just makes me cringe with excitement every time i get my hands on a new joint.

this next mixtape?
this next album?

America.. don't say i didn't warn you!

Crystal Meth.

i'm in desperate need of Lady Gaga's album. i can't find it anywhere, and i love what i'm hearing.

What The FUCK, Hov?

Jay-Z feat. Santogold - Brooklyn We Go Hard:

really, Hov? REALLY?
smh.. jamaican accent has got to goooo.
if Blueprint 3 has more features like this, i don't know what i'm going to do.. i'm at wits end here! WITS END!

before you know it, i'll become a cutter.. and slash my wrists manually in my room with all of the lights out, while i pour hot candle wax on the wounds to make them heal faster.

boo, Jigga.. BOO.

Hovi, Baby.

Jay-Z - U Don't Know:


Jay-Z - Hovi Baby Live:

this is it.. for now.. i'm in my apartment setting the mood with lit candles, and sipping tea lmao

Tees, Man. TEES!

for some time now, i've been thinking about creating a line of tees.. but there's one problem.. i'm having an artist block coming up with a name and logo. like.. there's shit out there getting exposure and they look so simple. the concepts to me seem rather mediocre [although i'm being a hypocrite for falling such mediocrity lol], but i think i could have a hand in fashion.. even without seamstress capabilities lol

i'm a simple female.. for those who know me, knew me for being such a tomboy growing up; no frilliness unless the occasion needed it. i love my tees, and i would love to have a hand in the industry doing so. besides the field i'm going to school for, i think i will have a good chance of being successful.

big dreams call for big work and dedication.. as cliche' as this may sound.. i plan on going hard, and hopefully not ever think about returning home.. well, except for the holidays lol

i have all of that, but all i need is to come up with a damn concept!

in the meantime, i'm outie.
i has plenty-o-work to do..
including a music test my professor might take down from Blackboard tonight.
i've been kicking ass and fucking taking names all semester; i'll be damned if i don't do shit now.

ciao.

Whorish.

i been trekking around the net as usual.. reading up on a bunch of music shit, and them ZOMG.. Drake was interviewed on AllHipHop.com..

i've. been. telling. niggas. FOREVER.
dude is silently killing the scene in America, but don't nobody want to admit it. also, i'm uber geeked about So Far Gone and Thank Me Later.. the LP and mixer? i think i need to prepare myself for such excitement. chea.

in the meantime.. i think i'm done for the night.. i'm ready for Turkey Day and the eating festivities. majority of my people done already dipped town on me, and some are working for holiday pay.. that's okay though.. i'm still going to attempt to get it in before the holiday is over..

gobble gobble, bitches.

Lay. D's.

i was humming this song in the kitchen this morning when i was cooking breakfast lol

Queen Latifah feat. Monie Love - Ladies First:

which brought on this TLC joint i grew up with, and LOVED!

TLC - Hat 2 Da Back:

which once again had these songs in my brain..

TLC - Das Da Way We Like 'Em:

TLC - What About Your Friends:

Mu-zack.

A Tribe Called Quest - Find A Way:

i'm playing this for Jhazmine, too lol

Aaliyah - One I Gave My Heart To:

Party's Over..

*turns music off*

*kicks everyone out*

*rips streamers off the walls*

*pop balloons*

*pours liquor down the drain*

*throws away food*

*cleans up*

*calls it a night*

the end of a party pretty much sums up what i'm experiencing right now. fuck. i had a feeling it was coming.. but not so soon; that's what caught me off guard.. Ced finally dropped the bomb.. and he said he couldn't do this anymore.. and that if he continued, his frustrations would build up..

UGH.

i hate crying.

it makes me feel like a complete girl [/tomboyish ways]. i couldn't even tell my Mom, because she called right after i got off the phone with him. that is just one convo. i'm not ready to face right now, because she's been pestering me about asking him what he's doing for Thanksgiving.. and honestly, for the past few weeks.. it's slipped my mind on more than one occasion, but not on purpose. now? i can kiss my Thanksgiving break for a chance to spend time with him goodbye..

*poof* and there it went.. floating along in the air..

what boggles my mind.. everything on my end was fine.. i didn't think there was a problem. i was completely happy. on his end? not so much. i can understand a person is entitled for their own happiness.. but then it kind of made me feel bad, because i can't make my own man happy. the most important thing for him.. i had to have his "mind" in order to obtain his "heart".. and i didn't.. he loved me, but he wasn't in love with me. fuck. hearing that alone hurts like shit. i thought we meshed together quite well, but he didn't think we were on the same page.. he wanted to go places i never been to, because i was never interested. he wanted to converse about subjects i knew nothing on.. he wanted serious conversation, and he felt i couldn't give that to him because i'm not "serious"..

*sigh*

if this is God's way of making me take a different approach in my life? this has to be one of the largest practical jokes he's ever pulled on me. seriously.. God is fucking hilarious right now.. he's cracking up laughing at me. i can feel it. he's a clever man. could Ced have been my sign all along? to stop taking the Rofl Express? then before a blink of an eye.. snatches it all away..

i do know one thing.. i'm soooo not ready to be his "friend". i love the shit out of that man.

i don't know how to make it out.. but enough about this.. i've had more than i can handle for tonight..

Downtown Arts District Scavenger Hunt.

i was taken aback today when i walked into the CDI for class this afternoon.. the moment my classmates and i walked in, Mr. Betz said he was sending us to these two different art galleries downtown.. like, 3 - 4 blocks away from where we originally have class at.

we had to visit the Piedmont Craftsmen art gallery and the Artworks Gallery. he wanted us to choose two pieces, and compare/contrast them.. including the artist name, title of their work, and what media they used.

this is what i chose at the Piedmont Craftsmen:

#1:
Paige Cox
2007/122ANN
Fiber
#2:
Anne Hesse
Garden Party
Mixed Media

this is what i chose at the Artworks Gallery:

#1 & #2:
Loretta Eby & Jeff Jackson
Lightning [right] & Floating Ring [left]
Glass & Steel

the only thing that really caught my attention was how much every piece cost in both galleries. prices ranged from $45 - $2 000. there were some things that seemed extremely simple, but were very expensive. it was re-donk-cu-lous. however, this assignment has given me a better in depth view of how things look and operate downtown, and that the arts district is not too far from my house lol

Doubts? I Rock The Document!

as a female spectator of hip-hop, is it a given thing for niggas to try and question what i know? why is it hard for others to believe i do happen to know what i do, OR what i have listened to? whether it's in person.. online.. whatever, it has to be one of thee most annoying things ever. sheesh.. let me continue doing some digging up before any type of bashing lol i know i'm not an elite just yet.. but i'm getting there.. i'm moving at a steady pace.. lol

in more recent news.. i've finally found this song i've been looking for, for like.. ever! it's been on my mind so much in recent years, that i've even had dreams about this shit every now and then.. that's how serious it was lol it feels like a large amount of weight has been released from my shoulders lol

so.. from me to you, i present:

High & Mighty feat. Mos Def / Mad Skillz - B-Boy Document 99:

8.5 Month/Birthday: Update.

oh boy.

it's amazzzzing how time flies. i know i've said this numerous times, but shit.. ced and i are making history despite our differences lol before you know it, a year will come and bite us both on the ass!

*knocks on wood*

anywho.. i've already started the official countdown for my birthday, and the things to come. i want to re-vamp my appearance.. by doing so, i want to chop all of my hair off.. and color it. i want it something like Eva Pigford's hair, from cycle 3 of America's Next Top Model:

#1:

#2:
#3:
#4:

now.. all i have to do is not kill Mommy for this idea. she might die of a heart-attack, but i think she's coming around lol slowly, but surely.. this is only step 1.. i think she's going to have a field day with my wardrobe.

Cipherrrr.

Me: i'm about to get my run-on.. hold the commas..

Eric: they call me Big E aka no ice in my soda aka i buy single socks aka don't get wet in the rain aka mr. georgia to florida aka triple axle and i don't mean ice skatin'

Me: you have way toooo many AKAs, and i don't mean soror. chicks..

Eric: i have too many AKAs and i do mean soror. chicks..

Me: you better watch them AKAs then if you bangin' soror. chicks, ya shit might turn apple green, and I'm not talkin' how mean ya stroke is

Eric: huh? wait.. wha? O.O

Me: hm? what's shocking?

Eric: the fact that you actually confounded me.. YOU actually said something that went over someone's head.. it's usually the other way around lawl

classic-ness.. in my opinion, of course.

Mac Mini / iMac.

i was prancing around the internet as usual, and found myself glancing in lust at the apple.com website.. checking out the latest, of course. i already have it set in stone that i will get a Mac in the future, but now i'm stuck on which one.. Mac Mini OR iMac?

Mac Mini:

it's not the typical "bulky" desktop. all i would need is a monitor, keypad, and mouse. it also has 1GB memory, 80GB hard drive, and costs $599. the $799 one has 120GB hard drive.

iMac:this is also a desktop.. much more expensive, but cheaper than a Macbook Pro =( the one i was looking at has 2GB memory, 320GB hard drive, and costs $1499. this is only the 2nd version of the 4.. and of course the prices vary from the size of hard drive.

Lovescope.

i was on MSN a few minutes ago, and came across my lovescope. whoever writes them shits has a hidden camera set up in my apartment lol this really hit shit on the nose.. with a mallet:

"You are in the midst of having some powerful insights about your current relationship. This may bring you to the realization that it has far more potential then you first thought. Now is the time to focus on all that is good and positive about it, so that you begin to build the kind of future that you both crave so much."

X-Mas.

so the holidays are quickly sneaking up on us.. *cough* my 20th birthday *cough*.. i think it's time i should gather up a nice wishlist..:

- the complete calvin and hobbes [this is #1!]
- XBOX 360 OR Nintendo DSi
- money for clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc.

not much to ask for, right? lol these also might coincide with my birthday.. which is a week later.

i can't wait.

Dynasty.

8 months.

today marks 8 months since i've been with Ced. as our relationship progresses, i love him even more.

for one.. putting up with me.. he and i are two completely different people, and have very different views / approaches to everything. it amazes me how he's not the type of person who decides to drop everything if we do happen to disagree on things. i love him for being a thinker.. being artistic.. the ability he has to express himself with no holds bar.. regardless of anything i say, he knows his place; he knows how to not really blow things out of proportion.. i can say i've learned alot from him, even if it hasn't stuck as it should lol i listen to him when he talks, and he does the same for me.. he is truly my other half for right now.. i can't say anything about the future, since i don't like looking that far.. well, only when it's in regards to my profession and what i plan to do after college..

*sigh*

oh boy.
not a day goes by when i think about that man, and what he's proven to me. he's shattered every bad perception i've had about things.. from love to how you're suppose to treat your other half..

i love him.

Fluid.

this is something ced wrote for me.. the james estate, part deux:

listen closely, this is way that it's suppose to be,
longing for that sweet kiss while ya heart steady missin' me/
blissfully dreaming of my finger tips caressing your hips,
still trying to get it together as i come to grips/
with reality, it feels like this could be a fantasy,
but i halt in thought as i kick it to the late James Yancy/
still i feel her, even over the Dilla,
i'm still tryin' to find that ya familiar figure/
it's been a long time, and i'm wishin' you were here,
ever steady so ready to embrace ya happiness and drown ya fears/
heh...
more like the Sweetest Taboo, when you give me the kiss of life,
i put my heart in ya hands as you operate on 4 months of strife/
and it's like... ya know this was long over due,
but what is a man to do when he's steadily confused/
but now i can't seem to let go, so lets go,
lets take it back like, Teedra Moses, know this, fo sho/
you could be the light i see in the night,
pacing my heartbeat, the apple of my eyesight/
as i'm the pupil, i see what you see,
wishing that i could be with you and you be with me/
i could care less about the worries and the stress,
but just know even through it all, i'm tryin' my best/
and if i fail, that's a testament to my imperfections,
i just want to be ya everything, no frontin' or no guessin'/
so even through it all... i just wanna drop you this psalm,
to let you know i can remain calm with my heart in ya palms...

hee hee.. i feel so special..

-- now back to our regularly scheduled program.. i've been pacing myself with this current 2D project:

front:

back:

i'm still don't think i'm finished, though. there's several things i'd still like to do / experiment with. i have a grasp of how to manuever through PS now; i'm not as retarded like i was before lol more time in the Gamma Lab for me and i will be advanced.. chea.

in the meantime.. i will put my tired ass to bed, seeing how i have to wake up for the Founder's Day tomorrow and attend this speech in the K. R. Williams auditorium =|

what. a. DRAG.

Rawr.

i am ryann.

here me roar..
scratch..
cry.. scream..
curse..

profanity keeps me sane.
i will not conform.

Arroz Con Pollo?

i've been brainstorming.. scratch that.. i've been having natural disasters of the mind.

as an artist, i have been told to "think outside the box" on NUMEROUS occasions. it has become utterly redundant. fact of the matter is, i had no idea there was a box to start with. how can you possibly know off hand what to think out of if there are supposed to be no limits to creativity?

i believe many other artistic people.. no matter what field.. should stop following that phrase. even though it may already be etched in stone, but it's never too late for change. speaking of change.. i need to find a better way of approaching projects. i find myself scouring around the internet for idea sparks or inspiration. i can't remember the last time i used a book to spark an idea. in such a technological age, using a book is the last thing on anyone's mind. however, i can say that my conceptual bug has been biting me quite nicely. it still takes me a while to make my executions look good, but it's been worth it.

in a recent mid-term assignment, my 2D professor had us recreate our own version of this Epson Printer ad in a magazine:

this is my interpretation:

i'm not PhotoShop savvy just yet, but i am getting there. i'm pretty proud of myself for not asking for much help, either. i got a good feel of it the first day we approached the assignment. i was a bit frustrated at first; it took me forever to find a decent brick wall photo. i'm pretty sure expert PSers can tear this photo apart by estimating what effects i used and probably about how many layers i used, too.

i hope to do some more work in PhotoShop SOON.. i NEED to hone my skills and take more advantage of the Gamma Lab on campus than what i already am..

Asthma Team.

woo.. sah..

this semester is going exactly the way i want it to. i've been managing my time much better.. procrastination is no longer an ally of mine; more along the lines of the enemy.

i checked my banner yesterday afternoon, and i was pleased to see my grades.. i really do sense a vehicular device in the future if i keep this up. yes.. making As and Bs is what you're suppose to do in college.. blah blah.. i got the memo NOW.. adjusting to the flow of things was a different task.

thanks to how my schedule was laid out, it was better to stay on top of things even with the days with no classes; i have a heavenly schedule if i do say so myself ^.^

-- in other news.. i spent my recent fall break [oct. 13th and 14th] with cedric. it's been a minute since we have seen each other, and almost on the verge of thinking that things were not really going to run smoothly anymore. we've had weeks of confusion, but we've finally figured shit out.


even though it's been 7.5 months.. i still think it's hard to believe we've been together for so long. i have truly broken barriers with that man.. and i love it.. i love him.

Location.

i am rzah. hear me roar.

*rawwwwr*

i've decided to move my blogger doings. i have exactly 153 blog entries on MySpace.. accumulated over the course of about 3 years and some change, but so what? ^.^ i would disable comments on that blog, but eh.. i don't care too much for feedback anymore..

wait.. nah.. i never did care for feedback; people just felt they had the need to respond =P

in the meantime.. i'm pretty much done with the first entry of the night. it's 2 42am.. even though i have no classes tomorrow, i'm still pretty pooped from today.