2010 Gives The Best Lapdances.

since the first of the month, here's a few interesting moments so far:

it's been 25 days since i made 21, and i don't feel any older. i still feel like a big ass kid. i'm still goofy as fuck, but i'm beginning to come into my own. can you believe i'm wearing eye art and heels now? that's a big move! lol

spring classes began on the 11th, and i'm finally a junior. i got enough hours to become a senior at the end of this semester. i'm back on track, and it feels fucking awesome.

i'm supporting brad and his music. he asked me to leave a voicemail on his phone for his upcoming EP, and he used it amongst a collective of messages as part of a skit. he told me it was a big deal for him, and he appreciated it blah blah.. despite last year's shenanigans? he's a good artist.. so of course it's a given i'm all for hip-hop.

i met my male doppleganger.
his name is broderick.

long story short, my mom sold him a phone. he just got stationed to fort bragg blahzay blahzay.. she got the greenlight to give me his number, and i've known him for about a month now. we decide to finally meet up a day after my birthday [after talking on the phone xamountoftimes] at sports u.s.a, and holy fuck.. he's attractive =| if that didn't totally ruin my initial motive, i don't know what did. that's apparently what i get for telling my mom to not let the next cutie she sees get away lol anywho, his friends start asking me if i'm going to continue talking to him once i left back for school, and of course i fill him in on their sleuthing. i tell him how i like him, and how i like the fact that our personalities match up, the sync moments are better in person than over the phone and blah blah mushy shit i don't feel like typing.. so maybe not even a few days after i tell him all of that, he tells me he has a girlfriend..

at first i was like "huh?", but then i LOL'd. why? simply because he likes me, too.. but i mean who wouldn't? i'm awesome lmao i was bugging out a bit at the fact that he didn't say anything about being with anybody before, and he goes on to say "you didn't ask" =|

common sense tells me [since i've been single for a year], if your body language doesn't hint that you're with someone? YOU'RE. SINGLE. wait.. i just realized all of that is besides the point lol point is, because i like him as a person and whatnot, it's a given i'm going to hang out with him. i respect his relationship, and i'm not the type of female to be all over a guy if they're in a relationship.. but rest assure that if he makes a move? i'm in there like swimwear! lmao

*sigh*

this has been my month in a bundle. eventful, right? i still don't think i've covered everything.. in the meantime though, i'm about to go to the campus grocery store and get some food since it's suppose to be snowing this weekend lol

ciao. ♥

Christmahanukwanzaa.

the 2009 holidays are coming to a close..

more details later =]

details: i had so much fun, i don't even know where to begin! this is a waste of blog space, i know.. but who really gives a fuck?

Happy Holidays?

this past week has been hell on earth. besides studying for exams, writing papers, and drawing driving me crazy? it's my fucking family.

1. my sister isn't ready to tell my mom what she's told me about becoming a mental health patient. apparently, she's depressed.. anti-social.. has insomnia.. she's not eating.. basically anything you don't want your baby sister to go through, she's going through it.

2. my mom doesn't want to be patient about what my sister needs to tell her, so therefore she's threatening to cancel our trip to louisiana. she's blaming it on erinn, because she's out of the loop.

3. my mom is taking her anger out on me, because of her cluelessness.. and i know that first hand, because she just hung up in my face not too long ago.

i tried to tell her if i was erinn, i'd be afraid to tell her about my being a mental health patient, too. it's not something you can just bring up casually and be like "oh yeah, mom. i'm crazy and depressed" =| after i said that and tried to explain why? she wasn't on the line anymore.

she has a habit of no longer listening to either of us when she doesn't agree with what she's hearing. if the conversation doesn't go on a note to where she's telling us how we should be, because "she didn't raise us that way"? she goes NUTS. for example.. she was screaming at me for NO. REASON. like.. saying all this shit about my sister and i not caring about her and how she's always doing/caring for other people blah blah blah i've heard all of that before. she's always trying to make us feel guilty. i'm trying to get a word in and have her look at things from my perspective, but she never listens. it's always that "i'm the adult and you're not" and "you don't know what you're talking about" type of condescending tone she develops when we discuss something serious. my mom really believes we don't give a shit about her, and it really hurts me to hear her say that..

the last time i told her that, she told me [and i quote] "go fuck yourself".

instead of making assumptions, why can't she just respect erinn's wishes of not being ready to tell her about that? she's ALWAYS jumping to conclusions. she never thoroughly hears us out. she has a habit of thinking the worst and often pessimistically.

UGH! it just pisses me off, because i can't verbally express myself to my mom as i would like to. i respect her too much. she does all this swearing, calls me out my name.. and then i'm disrespectful? i don't get it.

i will be so happy when erinn musters up enough courage to tell that woman what she needs to hear, because i'm done being the monkey in the middle. it's not fair to me. i love my sister and i love my mother, but this shit here has got to stop.

Writing Fren-zay.

it's obvious to how much i love hip-hop blah blah blaaaah.. but since monday of last week, i've gotten into the unusual habit [especially for me] with writing 16s. i'm surprising myself and others. the feedback's been pretty incredible, and i really think i'm going to stick with it.

this process started off slow. every now and then, a random ass line would pop in my head.. and then disappear. i never prompted to write anything down either. i later got the idea that i would post a random line in a status of mine on facebook..

comments were moderate blah blah.. next thing i know, i'm converting them to full verses. although i've always told people i don't rap myself, but what if this is some weird ass epiphany.. like i'm made to be some kind of word puzzler? lol a reason why i believe this surprises me? i was never strong when it came to poetry in general. all of my english projects growing up were so horrible, it's not even funny.

*sigh*

all i can do now is see where this goes.. people are already trying to tell me i need to start recording. JESUS! i just started writing!

The Countdown.

november is here!

that only means one thing.. my 21st birthday is two whole months away! =]

OMG. i've never been so stoked in my life.. okay, so i lied; i have been just as excited, BUT i will finally be a full legal adult. 18 doesn't really count, and it's just preliminary [only because you can't buy any alcohol lol]. another awesome thing about my birthday? i won't be in north carolina to celebrate it. i will be in..

*drum rolls*

wait for it..

*continuous drum rolls*

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA!

my brilliant mother thought of it [after the 1st two choices were las vegas and atlantic city].

the prices started skyrocketing toward the new year.. especially the night of the 31st. my mom figured it'd be even better to go to louisiana for the holidays, because she didn't get to enjoy it when we went last summer. well she's definitely going to enjoy it this time around! woo!

>.<

Halloween Weekend.

got home to fayetteville thursday night.
partied friday night.
waiting for the word on tonight..

fun.
Fun.
FUN!

^.^

so far so good, and a long time coming.. partying seems like the way to blow steam off every once in a while haha

in the meantime, i'm waiting on my sister to give me the heads up on this rave that's suppose to be going on at MU tonight.. i haven't heard a word yet. i have no idea what the girls and i are going to do if it's not going down =/

although watching movies does sound like a good idea since no one ain't trying to spend any money lol

All Balled Up, Tense Fun.

mid-terms came and went, and i am pleased to say that i am kicking MAAAAJOR fucking ass.. but my American Government class didn't make it seem that way. i have a F in there right now. why, you ask? we've only taken ONE. TEST.. one test! i feel stupid for even bombing it. it so wasn't a good look amongst my As and Bs.

in even better news, it's obvious i love my 3D modeling courses. i find myself zoning out 10 years into the future.. and i'm on a large team of people creating the next big hit.. but the big hit is totally anonymous, and i have no idea if it's a movie, show, music video, commercial, etc..

it's frighteningly awesome.

Gnarly.

one month of the school year has successfully went by without me wanting to drop any classes lol that's pretty awesome within itself.

i loooove my modeling courses. i'm kicking ass everyday on the iMac. in recent events though, my flash drive was acting wacky as fuck.. so i lost just about everything i did from the 1st day of classes until about 2 weeks ago. it was A LOT, and i never felt so hurt by technology. good thing i still had these blank DVDs; i had no idea you could format them to operate like flash drives.. and that means i will never lose anything ever again! lol

in the meantime, i guess i ought to get back to this paper i've been procrastinating on that's due tomorrow. i'm kind of having a minor case of "writer's block" and it's pissing me off lol

ciao. ♥

Nostalgic Weirdness.

i will start this off by saying.. I AM ONLY HUMAN. so, with that being said.. i am allowed to feel.

however, my nostalgia has been at it's worst lately. Solis caught whiff of it when she looked through my phone last night, haha! you can say i'm sort of extending my interest toward other members of the opposite sex, but none of them has yet to capture my attention.. which is making this "getting over" harder than i imagined lol

this moment in my life is where i loathe having emotions and being a girl lol first off.. as much as i don't like that boy, i still have a fucking soft spot for him. why? unfinished business. i hate knowing there's something out there i couldn't help complete.. something that's still lingering thanks to poor handling. the way shit ended was totally one-sided. it's still on my conscience because i didn't have a say-so decision wise. i like to take part in break-ups; it makes the healing process easier, and for me to get over shit. when things aren't done properly.. well, lets just say i still think about it. i've been having these odd moments for months now when i have a definite feeling i will have that closure i need, but it never comes.

ugh.

to top it all off.. Solis told me that she ran into him in Wal-Mart the other day/night or whatever, and that he stopped and spoke to her. he asked her how she was doing, blahzay blahzay.. then proceeded to ask her if she still talked to me.. asked about me, and tried to shy away like he didn't just say my name or something lol OF COURSE SOLIS TALKS TO ME, SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND! sheesh.. if you didn't drop me like a hot potato, then maybe you'd know how i'm doing =|

hold up.. i'm getting off track lol but seriously, how dumb is that?

i'm totally on the verge of just writing him on MySpace or something, and letting him know that this is ridiculous. don't ditch me, and then ASK about my well being lol if i'm right, then maybe he is beginning to feel guilty. i didn't deserve that kind of treatment, but eh..

shit happens, right? why does the bad shit always happen to me? i believe i'm pretty fucking awesome! lol i guess only time will tell, and the answers i need will reveal themselves in due time..

The First Week.

fall classes started Monday.

i have 6 classes, and they total out to 18 hours.

i have:

3D Computer Modeling
Desktop Virtual Reality
Vector Graphics for Designers
African-American Art
American Government
Figure Drawing

my classes Monday - Thursday all start at 11am, but my days end late.. that's the only part i don't like.

i least i don't have classes on Friday's =]

overall, the first week was pretty awesome. we jumped right into work immediately after introductions and such lol

i can't wait for what this semester unfolds..

ADH:1979-2001.

today marks the 8th anniversary of Aaliyah's death..

it gets harder and harder to even grasp each year that passes by. man.. i say the same thing every time though. this woman will forever be in my mind and heart.

"Aaliyah.. Baby Girl.. I have learned to love those who are still awake.." - Missy Elliott

Summer 2009: Replay.

well.. it looks like i'm on the last week of my summer.

late nights of endless shenanigans.. food runs.. chilling out with different dudes.. and overall? just anything fun and time consuming with my friends.

it's too bad i wasn't much of a camera whore this summer. there have been too many hilarious moments with my people. that further makes me even more sad that i won't see them as much this fall, BUT.. i will be closer to obtaining my Bachelor of Arts. WOO! that's what really counts.

i still can't believe i'm 4 semesters away from graduating. this is the best feeling ever. it's reminding me of high school.. just knowing your Senior year is around the corner is uplifting and awesome!

on the other end besides school, i've had one too many relationship epiphany's and realizations of different situations. my final conclusion of men? i won't be all up on one until my 22nd birthday lmao i do want to stay single from now until all of 2010. i don't want to be 21 with a significant other, honestly. although.. as much as i utterly disliked the way i was indirectly mistreated by my last "boyfriend" [*cough* Brad *cough*], it made me understand that everyone you get close to will not be a strong candidate for something with longevity.. also, i think he was in the same boat as i am NOW, and that's having options.

i really like the feeling of not being tied down so soon, and picking and choosing who will ultimately have my time.. and be worth it. the next relationship i wind up in, i want it to last.. i want it to live so long, i won't be able to predict what happens next. i don't like planning since my plans never go right lol i like shit to take it's natural course without disruptions. with that being said.. i just want falling in love to be extremely fun and exciting without all the "seriousness" that comes with it lol

OH! before i forget.. ERINN IS A FRESHMAN AT METHODIST UNIVERSITY! not to mention that she's on the dance team, too. these are just 3 photos i took of her on her moving day =]



welps.. i guess this entry is over with lol

♥

Transformers 2.

ever had a moment where you connected to something in relation to what you want to do with your life? i had that moment last night. Transformers 2 made me even more driven toward my education for the next 4 semesters. i was excited the entire movie. there wasn't a moment where the awesomeness made me tear up. you can ask Jhazmine lol

the fight scenes.
the transforming.
the Autobot/Decepticon/Human scaling.
the explosions.

ZOMG.

there's not much i can say about that movie that describes how fantastic it was. all i have to say is that it's the epitome of my dream job. to be apart of a team that can execute such precision in the CG field.

just mind-blowing..

to top all of that excitement, i stayed until the end of the credits with my friends. i thought there was going to be something at the end, but there wasn't lol i caught a glimpse of a portion of the CG company involved in the production of the film.. feast your eyes on this site:

https://jobs.lucasfilm.com/welcome.html

there's an internship for upcoming Juniors and Graduates. i'm glad i discovered this now. it would be so perfect for next summer.. and it's PAID!

i can't wait to share this with my family..

my future is getting that much more exciting everyday..

PFHS 2009 Graduation.

my sister is done with high school! that woman made me tear up when i saw her:

Lincoln and Erinn:

Growing Babies.

my little sister is graduating high school this upcoming friday, and i am losing my mind a little bit inside. i'm so proud of her.. even if she is staying closer to home for college. that woman is going to Methodist University for dance. that's effing awesome.. and it's a private school.

i'm so excited to see her walk across the stage.

both of my Mom's children are going on to do bigger and better things.

yay for us! =]

RROD Scare.

the most frightening thing that could have ever happened to me occurred for a brief period last night at Solis' house. i was just turning off my xbox from playing BioShock for the night. i took out the cords, and then forgot to eject the disc so it won't sit in there when i pack it up. i press the eject button.. and that's when the RROD appeared:

talk about freaking the fuck out! thank God it was just a false alarm. i was on the verge of tears, for real lol if that would have really happened, i would have lost my damn mind.

Niggerish Establishments.

i really need to stop hyping shit up before it happens. it seems like every time i do? it comes down crashing.. hard.

for example.. my Mom had lined up a summer job for me in urban wear [this clothing store in the mini mall on Fort Bragg] as soon as i came back home for the summer. i started immediately the following week, but 2 days early before my initial work day carrying out a favor for Ms. Nisey. Monike, my manager, was showing me the ropes ahead of time.. blahzay blahzay. the next thing i know, Ernest [the guy who owns it] tells her that she can't hire anyone, because he can't afford it.

=|

my face went ultra "meh" when i heard the news. it was my first job like.. EVER, and i was so excited. i had plans on what i wanted to do with the money i was going to be earning.. now my ass has to look for ANOTHER job.. which i highly doubt i'm going to get since i'm considered a "seasonal worker", and i will only be here for the summer.

ugh.

that just sucks so much ass. now i'm super broke than what i initially started from. i really hope shit works out in my favor.. i'm tired of asking my Mom for money.

goodness..

if i only had my license AND my own car.. i would not be worried about these shit ass situations.

Regurgitating The Past.

lately, little reminders of Brad have been irking the fuck out of me. he's everywhere. like.. it's to the point where someone mentions his name, asks me about him, has a picture of him in a random pile, etc. and it just bothers me to no end.

i went to Pizza Hut with my Mom yesterday evening to pick up our food, and on the way back home.. i see his car in traffic going the opposite direction. i literally freaked out in astonishment. shit like that makes me sick to my stomach with disgust and pure anger. no one in my life has ever made me feel this way, considering how i haven't talked/seen him since January. the only reason i still get pissed all over again when someone mentions him, is that ties were not properly cut. his up and leaving with no explanation drives me practically nuts, and my emotions go completely awry. i really can't control my reactions.

i told Solis allathis weirdness when i texted her, and she said [and i quote]:

"he is just a figment of your past no need to further any complication of brad, your too good for him Anyway, till this day i believe that you were too perfect of a match for him to handle and he got scared of the commitment and the fact that yall coulda had that longevity type thing and he ran from u"

she. was. so. RIGHT. after i read her text, it made a whole hell of a lot of sense. of course i will never know the true reason from him, but it's not bad to conclude shit with the help of others. my silly ass was still trying to figure it out every now and then.. you know.. one of those random thoughts and whatnot.

ugh. i don't know.

i loathe looking into the past, but fuck.. when everything on the surface was kosher, what the hell was the problem on the inside? this feels like i'm biting into a jelly donut with coconut filling. i hate it. i wish the madness would just end already.. no matter how much i say i'm not missing him, but i totally fucking hate him at the same time. it just pisses me the fuck off.

I Still Love H.I.M.

Hip-Hop.

this very culture helped spark my ongoing curiosity for music. the bad thing? there's too much of it! lol with that being said, it's no secret that i have been slowly trying to heighten my knowledge just a bit more.

i pride myself on what i know. i'm always aiming to learn something new. the only thing i'm having problems with are beef and battle rap. neither of those interest me, but for the sake of the culture? i have to make a sacrifice. i have to learn to appreciate every aspect of Hip-Hop in order to keep a firm grip. why? i want to continue to solidify it's placement within me. although i'm not actively involved in any of the four elements, i love it as much as the next emcee, graffiti artist, DJ, or break dancer.

with that being said, i'm going to continue to stay true to my new year's resolution. it happens to be the only one still going strong lol

Encore.

my Sophomore year of college is coming to a close. i haven't been this excited since i started, haha. all of my classes will be finished tomorrow and then exams begin MONDAY! =]

spring classes have been swiftly kicking my ass though, and i hope my final grades don't broadcast that. i am frightened out of my mind.. especially in my World Civ. class. i loathe history in general; it's soooo boring. it takes the jaws of life to keep my attention in order to stay focused lol oh well.. i shall see what the verdict is when i'm done taking my exam. i will most likely get out of there with a C if i'm lucky.

i got my fingers crossed.

on a sidenote, i think it's glorious to see others suffer. what i mean by that is when karma kicks them in their ass. the feeling is like a rush.

oh boy.. this summer is going to be fucking bawesome now that i think about it. i have no idea who i might run into from high school and the days will be totally random. i live for random.

Memory Strike.

i was in my 3D class on Thursday working on my project.. the radio that's in the classroom was on and my classmates and i were listening to it indirectly while talking. the next thing i know, this Ghostface song i been looking for FOREVER came on. good thing Morgan was a fan AND knew the words/title of the song, because i was about to cry if i didn't find it lmao

Ghostface Killah - Cher Chez La Ghost:

A Risky Razzle.

time.

an extremely valuable thing. how you spend it or what you do with it can either have a negative or positive effect on your life. it can prove your growth or it can bring to light your failures.. whichever you prefer. on the subject of growth, i had an interesting conversation with an ex of mine on sunday.. well, i did more listening than talking. long story short.. he apologized to me and thanked me for being there when he needed someone to talk to, regardless of how fucked up everything turned out for us [when we were together, of course]. i think it's great he took the time out himself to even reflect on the past situations; it takes a lot for a person to come forward to even admit that they were wrong..

that's exactly what he did.

my level of respect tremendously shot through the roof for him. of course, my friends laugh or make smart remarks because of what they only know him for what he's done before. it's natural for them to judge. however, i don't expect them to immediately trust him since i'm not.

he's in the first square now. alls he's gots to do is keep rolling for success. i'm sure he'll be fine with his slow ass lmao

Oh Shit, Son.

my Sophomore year in college is coming to a close. just 14 days left until the spring session is officially done with [excluding weekends]. i'm soooo ready for the summer, it's not funny. i will be in glorious Fayetteville for 4 months.. that instantly means 4 months of work, fun, and sun.

oh man.

words can't describe my excitement. i's ready, babyyyy!

i's. ready.

Mobile Postings.

YES! i set up my mobile posting. there will indeed be more direct news straight from my BlackBerryyyy =]

ciao.

And the winner is..

i know i'm late, but the victory is that much sweeter. i already talk shit, but that national championship win means i can talk even more shit, bwahahaha..

i love my Tarheels.

anywho.. i'm finally home again for Easter Break; the miniscule 3-day weekend from university lol i'm going to have fuuuun ^.^

Tarheels. ♥

as we speak, i'm watching my boys play =]

as much as i want them to win a National Championship, i don't plan on talking to much shit. i have a tendency to jinx myself/them sometimes.. haha.

ahhhh.. College Basketball is the greatest thing on this earth.

in the meantime, i'm going to focus my full attention on them.

ciao.

I'm a Trapper.

i think my life took a screeching halt after Spring Break lol nothing exciting has been going on but school. was it possible that i had that much fun in a week? haha oh man.. enough about that.. fall registration opened a couple days ago. i have about 22 more classes to take; 20 of those will be taken at the school and 2 during the summer so i can graduate on time =]

i'm so stoked. i have everything already mapped out for the fall. it will be my Junior semester/year. i turned the way i handle shit completely around. i will be damned if i'm placed on academic probation again. if that wasn't a reality check, i don't know what was lol however, this semester has been a little fun and stressful all at the same time. it feels as if time is hauling ass past me.

my midterm grades were dope as fuck, too.. except for that D in my Physical Science class. i haven't seen any of that shit since high school, haha. oh well.. i want to bring that up to at least a C. that's the only class really kicking my ass right now lol

in the meantime, i have to finish this homework i have for it. it's due sunday night before 11 59pm..

ciao.

Spring Break '09 II.

my Spring Break is almost over. i had so much fun. 2 more days left of making memories. that's all i'm leaving here, for such stories that could be shared will indeed be self-incriminating.

Lord knows i don't want that shit to happen ROFL

Dude.

ahhhhhhhhhh.
the excitement.
ahhhhhhhhhh!

anywho.. i's leaving tomorrow for a glorious week of spring in Fayetteville beginning tomorrow. oh man, i'm going to have so much fun.. no matter how many times i've talked about it, haha.

yes.

can't wait.

>.<

Snow Day!

this is the only evidence of snow i have. i didn't take it until the snow stopped falling.. i didn't go to sleep until about 6 30am this morning. Jhazmine and i were on the phone acting stupid for a few hours lol good thing classes were cancelled.. more time with homework and shit.

oh man.

the snow was so pretty.
so white.
untouched..
until this morning of course lol =p

in the meantime, i have to go trek in the snow since i have to take my trash out. boo.