Christmahanukwanzaa.

the 2009 holidays are coming to a close..

more details later =]

details: i had so much fun, i don't even know where to begin! this is a waste of blog space, i know.. but who really gives a fuck?

Happy Holidays?

this past week has been hell on earth. besides studying for exams, writing papers, and drawing driving me crazy? it's my fucking family.

1. my sister isn't ready to tell my mom what she's told me about becoming a mental health patient. apparently, she's depressed.. anti-social.. has insomnia.. she's not eating.. basically anything you don't want your baby sister to go through, she's going through it.

2. my mom doesn't want to be patient about what my sister needs to tell her, so therefore she's threatening to cancel our trip to louisiana. she's blaming it on erinn, because she's out of the loop.

3. my mom is taking her anger out on me, because of her cluelessness.. and i know that first hand, because she just hung up in my face not too long ago.

i tried to tell her if i was erinn, i'd be afraid to tell her about my being a mental health patient, too. it's not something you can just bring up casually and be like "oh yeah, mom. i'm crazy and depressed" =| after i said that and tried to explain why? she wasn't on the line anymore.

she has a habit of no longer listening to either of us when she doesn't agree with what she's hearing. if the conversation doesn't go on a note to where she's telling us how we should be, because "she didn't raise us that way"? she goes NUTS. for example.. she was screaming at me for NO. REASON. like.. saying all this shit about my sister and i not caring about her and how she's always doing/caring for other people blah blah blah i've heard all of that before. she's always trying to make us feel guilty. i'm trying to get a word in and have her look at things from my perspective, but she never listens. it's always that "i'm the adult and you're not" and "you don't know what you're talking about" type of condescending tone she develops when we discuss something serious. my mom really believes we don't give a shit about her, and it really hurts me to hear her say that..

the last time i told her that, she told me [and i quote] "go fuck yourself".

instead of making assumptions, why can't she just respect erinn's wishes of not being ready to tell her about that? she's ALWAYS jumping to conclusions. she never thoroughly hears us out. she has a habit of thinking the worst and often pessimistically.

UGH! it just pisses me off, because i can't verbally express myself to my mom as i would like to. i respect her too much. she does all this swearing, calls me out my name.. and then i'm disrespectful? i don't get it.

i will be so happy when erinn musters up enough courage to tell that woman what she needs to hear, because i'm done being the monkey in the middle. it's not fair to me. i love my sister and i love my mother, but this shit here has got to stop.

Writing Fren-zay.

it's obvious to how much i love hip-hop blah blah blaaaah.. but since monday of last week, i've gotten into the unusual habit [especially for me] with writing 16s. i'm surprising myself and others. the feedback's been pretty incredible, and i really think i'm going to stick with it.

this process started off slow. every now and then, a random ass line would pop in my head.. and then disappear. i never prompted to write anything down either. i later got the idea that i would post a random line in a status of mine on facebook..

comments were moderate blah blah.. next thing i know, i'm converting them to full verses. although i've always told people i don't rap myself, but what if this is some weird ass epiphany.. like i'm made to be some kind of word puzzler? lol a reason why i believe this surprises me? i was never strong when it came to poetry in general. all of my english projects growing up were so horrible, it's not even funny.

*sigh*

all i can do now is see where this goes.. people are already trying to tell me i need to start recording. JESUS! i just started writing!

The Countdown.

november is here!

that only means one thing.. my 21st birthday is two whole months away! =]

OMG. i've never been so stoked in my life.. okay, so i lied; i have been just as excited, BUT i will finally be a full legal adult. 18 doesn't really count, and it's just preliminary [only because you can't buy any alcohol lol]. another awesome thing about my birthday? i won't be in north carolina to celebrate it. i will be in..

*drum rolls*

wait for it..

*continuous drum rolls*

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA!

my brilliant mother thought of it [after the 1st two choices were las vegas and atlantic city].

the prices started skyrocketing toward the new year.. especially the night of the 31st. my mom figured it'd be even better to go to louisiana for the holidays, because she didn't get to enjoy it when we went last summer. well she's definitely going to enjoy it this time around! woo!

>.<

Halloween Weekend.

got home to fayetteville thursday night.
partied friday night.
waiting for the word on tonight..

fun.
Fun.
FUN!

^.^

so far so good, and a long time coming.. partying seems like the way to blow steam off every once in a while haha

in the meantime, i'm waiting on my sister to give me the heads up on this rave that's suppose to be going on at MU tonight.. i haven't heard a word yet. i have no idea what the girls and i are going to do if it's not going down =/

although watching movies does sound like a good idea since no one ain't trying to spend any money lol

All Balled Up, Tense Fun.

mid-terms came and went, and i am pleased to say that i am kicking MAAAAJOR fucking ass.. but my American Government class didn't make it seem that way. i have a F in there right now. why, you ask? we've only taken ONE. TEST.. one test! i feel stupid for even bombing it. it so wasn't a good look amongst my As and Bs.

in even better news, it's obvious i love my 3D modeling courses. i find myself zoning out 10 years into the future.. and i'm on a large team of people creating the next big hit.. but the big hit is totally anonymous, and i have no idea if it's a movie, show, music video, commercial, etc..

it's frighteningly awesome.

Gnarly.

one month of the school year has successfully went by without me wanting to drop any classes lol that's pretty awesome within itself.

i loooove my modeling courses. i'm kicking ass everyday on the iMac. in recent events though, my flash drive was acting wacky as fuck.. so i lost just about everything i did from the 1st day of classes until about 2 weeks ago. it was A LOT, and i never felt so hurt by technology. good thing i still had these blank DVDs; i had no idea you could format them to operate like flash drives.. and that means i will never lose anything ever again! lol

in the meantime, i guess i ought to get back to this paper i've been procrastinating on that's due tomorrow. i'm kind of having a minor case of "writer's block" and it's pissing me off lol

ciao. ♥

Nostalgic Weirdness.

i will start this off by saying.. I AM ONLY HUMAN. so, with that being said.. i am allowed to feel.

however, my nostalgia has been at it's worst lately. Solis caught whiff of it when she looked through my phone last night, haha! you can say i'm sort of extending my interest toward other members of the opposite sex, but none of them has yet to capture my attention.. which is making this "getting over" harder than i imagined lol

this moment in my life is where i loathe having emotions and being a girl lol first off.. as much as i don't like that boy, i still have a fucking soft spot for him. why? unfinished business. i hate knowing there's something out there i couldn't help complete.. something that's still lingering thanks to poor handling. the way shit ended was totally one-sided. it's still on my conscience because i didn't have a say-so decision wise. i like to take part in break-ups; it makes the healing process easier, and for me to get over shit. when things aren't done properly.. well, lets just say i still think about it. i've been having these odd moments for months now when i have a definite feeling i will have that closure i need, but it never comes.

ugh.

to top it all off.. Solis told me that she ran into him in Wal-Mart the other day/night or whatever, and that he stopped and spoke to her. he asked her how she was doing, blahzay blahzay.. then proceeded to ask her if she still talked to me.. asked about me, and tried to shy away like he didn't just say my name or something lol OF COURSE SOLIS TALKS TO ME, SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND! sheesh.. if you didn't drop me like a hot potato, then maybe you'd know how i'm doing =|

hold up.. i'm getting off track lol but seriously, how dumb is that?

i'm totally on the verge of just writing him on MySpace or something, and letting him know that this is ridiculous. don't ditch me, and then ASK about my well being lol if i'm right, then maybe he is beginning to feel guilty. i didn't deserve that kind of treatment, but eh..

shit happens, right? why does the bad shit always happen to me? i believe i'm pretty fucking awesome! lol i guess only time will tell, and the answers i need will reveal themselves in due time..

The First Week.

fall classes started Monday.

i have 6 classes, and they total out to 18 hours.

i have:

3D Computer Modeling
Desktop Virtual Reality
Vector Graphics for Designers
African-American Art
American Government
Figure Drawing

my classes Monday - Thursday all start at 11am, but my days end late.. that's the only part i don't like.

i least i don't have classes on Friday's =]

overall, the first week was pretty awesome. we jumped right into work immediately after introductions and such lol

i can't wait for what this semester unfolds..

ADH:1979-2001.

today marks the 8th anniversary of Aaliyah's death..

it gets harder and harder to even grasp each year that passes by. man.. i say the same thing every time though. this woman will forever be in my mind and heart.

"Aaliyah.. Baby Girl.. I have learned to love those who are still awake.." - Missy Elliott

Summer 2009: Replay.

well.. it looks like i'm on the last week of my summer.

late nights of endless shenanigans.. food runs.. chilling out with different dudes.. and overall? just anything fun and time consuming with my friends.

it's too bad i wasn't much of a camera whore this summer. there have been too many hilarious moments with my people. that further makes me even more sad that i won't see them as much this fall, BUT.. i will be closer to obtaining my Bachelor of Arts. WOO! that's what really counts.

i still can't believe i'm 4 semesters away from graduating. this is the best feeling ever. it's reminding me of high school.. just knowing your Senior year is around the corner is uplifting and awesome!

on the other end besides school, i've had one too many relationship epiphany's and realizations of different situations. my final conclusion of men? i won't be all up on one until my 22nd birthday lmao i do want to stay single from now until all of 2010. i don't want to be 21 with a significant other, honestly. although.. as much as i utterly disliked the way i was indirectly mistreated by my last "boyfriend" [*cough* Brad *cough*], it made me understand that everyone you get close to will not be a strong candidate for something with longevity.. also, i think he was in the same boat as i am NOW, and that's having options.

i really like the feeling of not being tied down so soon, and picking and choosing who will ultimately have my time.. and be worth it. the next relationship i wind up in, i want it to last.. i want it to live so long, i won't be able to predict what happens next. i don't like planning since my plans never go right lol i like shit to take it's natural course without disruptions. with that being said.. i just want falling in love to be extremely fun and exciting without all the "seriousness" that comes with it lol

OH! before i forget.. ERINN IS A FRESHMAN AT METHODIST UNIVERSITY! not to mention that she's on the dance team, too. these are just 3 photos i took of her on her moving day =]



welps.. i guess this entry is over with lol

♥

Transformers 2.

ever had a moment where you connected to something in relation to what you want to do with your life? i had that moment last night. Transformers 2 made me even more driven toward my education for the next 4 semesters. i was excited the entire movie. there wasn't a moment where the awesomeness made me tear up. you can ask Jhazmine lol

the fight scenes.
the transforming.
the Autobot/Decepticon/Human scaling.
the explosions.

ZOMG.

there's not much i can say about that movie that describes how fantastic it was. all i have to say is that it's the epitome of my dream job. to be apart of a team that can execute such precision in the CG field.

just mind-blowing..

to top all of that excitement, i stayed until the end of the credits with my friends. i thought there was going to be something at the end, but there wasn't lol i caught a glimpse of a portion of the CG company involved in the production of the film.. feast your eyes on this site:

https://jobs.lucasfilm.com/welcome.html

there's an internship for upcoming Juniors and Graduates. i'm glad i discovered this now. it would be so perfect for next summer.. and it's PAID!

i can't wait to share this with my family..

my future is getting that much more exciting everyday..

PFHS 2009 Graduation.

my sister is done with high school! that woman made me tear up when i saw her:

Lincoln and Erinn:

Growing Babies.

my little sister is graduating high school this upcoming friday, and i am losing my mind a little bit inside. i'm so proud of her.. even if she is staying closer to home for college. that woman is going to Methodist University for dance. that's effing awesome.. and it's a private school.

i'm so excited to see her walk across the stage.

both of my Mom's children are going on to do bigger and better things.

yay for us! =]

RROD Scare.

the most frightening thing that could have ever happened to me occurred for a brief period last night at Solis' house. i was just turning off my xbox from playing BioShock for the night. i took out the cords, and then forgot to eject the disc so it won't sit in there when i pack it up. i press the eject button.. and that's when the RROD appeared:

talk about freaking the fuck out! thank God it was just a false alarm. i was on the verge of tears, for real lol if that would have really happened, i would have lost my damn mind.

Niggerish Establishments.

i really need to stop hyping shit up before it happens. it seems like every time i do? it comes down crashing.. hard.

for example.. my Mom had lined up a summer job for me in urban wear [this clothing store in the mini mall on Fort Bragg] as soon as i came back home for the summer. i started immediately the following week, but 2 days early before my initial work day carrying out a favor for Ms. Nisey. Monike, my manager, was showing me the ropes ahead of time.. blahzay blahzay. the next thing i know, Ernest [the guy who owns it] tells her that she can't hire anyone, because he can't afford it.

=|

my face went ultra "meh" when i heard the news. it was my first job like.. EVER, and i was so excited. i had plans on what i wanted to do with the money i was going to be earning.. now my ass has to look for ANOTHER job.. which i highly doubt i'm going to get since i'm considered a "seasonal worker", and i will only be here for the summer.

ugh.

that just sucks so much ass. now i'm super broke than what i initially started from. i really hope shit works out in my favor.. i'm tired of asking my Mom for money.

goodness..

if i only had my license AND my own car.. i would not be worried about these shit ass situations.

Regurgitating The Past.

lately, little reminders of Brad have been irking the fuck out of me. he's everywhere. like.. it's to the point where someone mentions his name, asks me about him, has a picture of him in a random pile, etc. and it just bothers me to no end.

i went to Pizza Hut with my Mom yesterday evening to pick up our food, and on the way back home.. i see his car in traffic going the opposite direction. i literally freaked out in astonishment. shit like that makes me sick to my stomach with disgust and pure anger. no one in my life has ever made me feel this way, considering how i haven't talked/seen him since January. the only reason i still get pissed all over again when someone mentions him, is that ties were not properly cut. his up and leaving with no explanation drives me practically nuts, and my emotions go completely awry. i really can't control my reactions.

i told Solis allathis weirdness when i texted her, and she said [and i quote]:

"he is just a figment of your past no need to further any complication of brad, your too good for him Anyway, till this day i believe that you were too perfect of a match for him to handle and he got scared of the commitment and the fact that yall coulda had that longevity type thing and he ran from u"

she. was. so. RIGHT. after i read her text, it made a whole hell of a lot of sense. of course i will never know the true reason from him, but it's not bad to conclude shit with the help of others. my silly ass was still trying to figure it out every now and then.. you know.. one of those random thoughts and whatnot.

ugh. i don't know.

i loathe looking into the past, but fuck.. when everything on the surface was kosher, what the hell was the problem on the inside? this feels like i'm biting into a jelly donut with coconut filling. i hate it. i wish the madness would just end already.. no matter how much i say i'm not missing him, but i totally fucking hate him at the same time. it just pisses me the fuck off.

I Still Love H.I.M.

Hip-Hop.

this very culture helped spark my ongoing curiosity for music. the bad thing? there's too much of it! lol with that being said, it's no secret that i have been slowly trying to heighten my knowledge just a bit more.

i pride myself on what i know. i'm always aiming to learn something new. the only thing i'm having problems with are beef and battle rap. neither of those interest me, but for the sake of the culture? i have to make a sacrifice. i have to learn to appreciate every aspect of Hip-Hop in order to keep a firm grip. why? i want to continue to solidify it's placement within me. although i'm not actively involved in any of the four elements, i love it as much as the next emcee, graffiti artist, DJ, or break dancer.

with that being said, i'm going to continue to stay true to my new year's resolution. it happens to be the only one still going strong lol

Encore.

my Sophomore year of college is coming to a close. i haven't been this excited since i started, haha. all of my classes will be finished tomorrow and then exams begin MONDAY! =]

spring classes have been swiftly kicking my ass though, and i hope my final grades don't broadcast that. i am frightened out of my mind.. especially in my World Civ. class. i loathe history in general; it's soooo boring. it takes the jaws of life to keep my attention in order to stay focused lol oh well.. i shall see what the verdict is when i'm done taking my exam. i will most likely get out of there with a C if i'm lucky.

i got my fingers crossed.

on a sidenote, i think it's glorious to see others suffer. what i mean by that is when karma kicks them in their ass. the feeling is like a rush.

oh boy.. this summer is going to be fucking bawesome now that i think about it. i have no idea who i might run into from high school and the days will be totally random. i live for random.

Memory Strike.

i was in my 3D class on Thursday working on my project.. the radio that's in the classroom was on and my classmates and i were listening to it indirectly while talking. the next thing i know, this Ghostface song i been looking for FOREVER came on. good thing Morgan was a fan AND knew the words/title of the song, because i was about to cry if i didn't find it lmao

Ghostface Killah - Cher Chez La Ghost:

A Risky Razzle.

time.

an extremely valuable thing. how you spend it or what you do with it can either have a negative or positive effect on your life. it can prove your growth or it can bring to light your failures.. whichever you prefer. on the subject of growth, i had an interesting conversation with an ex of mine on sunday.. well, i did more listening than talking. long story short.. he apologized to me and thanked me for being there when he needed someone to talk to, regardless of how fucked up everything turned out for us [when we were together, of course]. i think it's great he took the time out himself to even reflect on the past situations; it takes a lot for a person to come forward to even admit that they were wrong..

that's exactly what he did.

my level of respect tremendously shot through the roof for him. of course, my friends laugh or make smart remarks because of what they only know him for what he's done before. it's natural for them to judge. however, i don't expect them to immediately trust him since i'm not.

he's in the first square now. alls he's gots to do is keep rolling for success. i'm sure he'll be fine with his slow ass lmao

Oh Shit, Son.

my Sophomore year in college is coming to a close. just 14 days left until the spring session is officially done with [excluding weekends]. i'm soooo ready for the summer, it's not funny. i will be in glorious Fayetteville for 4 months.. that instantly means 4 months of work, fun, and sun.

oh man.

words can't describe my excitement. i's ready, babyyyy!

i's. ready.

Mobile Postings.

YES! i set up my mobile posting. there will indeed be more direct news straight from my BlackBerryyyy =]

ciao.

And the winner is..

i know i'm late, but the victory is that much sweeter. i already talk shit, but that national championship win means i can talk even more shit, bwahahaha..

i love my Tarheels.

anywho.. i'm finally home again for Easter Break; the miniscule 3-day weekend from university lol i'm going to have fuuuun ^.^

Tarheels. ♥

as we speak, i'm watching my boys play =]

as much as i want them to win a National Championship, i don't plan on talking to much shit. i have a tendency to jinx myself/them sometimes.. haha.

ahhhh.. College Basketball is the greatest thing on this earth.

in the meantime, i'm going to focus my full attention on them.

ciao.

I'm a Trapper.

i think my life took a screeching halt after Spring Break lol nothing exciting has been going on but school. was it possible that i had that much fun in a week? haha oh man.. enough about that.. fall registration opened a couple days ago. i have about 22 more classes to take; 20 of those will be taken at the school and 2 during the summer so i can graduate on time =]

i'm so stoked. i have everything already mapped out for the fall. it will be my Junior semester/year. i turned the way i handle shit completely around. i will be damned if i'm placed on academic probation again. if that wasn't a reality check, i don't know what was lol however, this semester has been a little fun and stressful all at the same time. it feels as if time is hauling ass past me.

my midterm grades were dope as fuck, too.. except for that D in my Physical Science class. i haven't seen any of that shit since high school, haha. oh well.. i want to bring that up to at least a C. that's the only class really kicking my ass right now lol

in the meantime, i have to finish this homework i have for it. it's due sunday night before 11 59pm..

ciao.

Spring Break '09 II.

my Spring Break is almost over. i had so much fun. 2 more days left of making memories. that's all i'm leaving here, for such stories that could be shared will indeed be self-incriminating.

Lord knows i don't want that shit to happen ROFL

Dude.

ahhhhhhhhhh.
the excitement.
ahhhhhhhhhh!

anywho.. i's leaving tomorrow for a glorious week of spring in Fayetteville beginning tomorrow. oh man, i'm going to have so much fun.. no matter how many times i've talked about it, haha.

yes.

can't wait.

>.<

Snow Day!

this is the only evidence of snow i have. i didn't take it until the snow stopped falling.. i didn't go to sleep until about 6 30am this morning. Jhazmine and i were on the phone acting stupid for a few hours lol good thing classes were cancelled.. more time with homework and shit.

oh man.

the snow was so pretty.
so white.
untouched..
until this morning of course lol =p

in the meantime, i have to go trek in the snow since i have to take my trash out. boo.

Before The Shop Closes..

Spring Break is next week! ^.^

midterms begin tomorrow, though. i've been working my ass off. keeping up with the coursework has been a little confusing. it's like in each class, it's the continuation of something already going on.. which kind of pisses me off since i'm so used to new assignments handed out each week.

ugh.

i have an Art History paper due tuesday; the exam is on thursday.
my World Civ. paper can be turned in all this week online.
my 4D work has to be posted by Friday.. animation and all!
my 3D work will continue when we get back..
my Physical Science work can be done whenever.. just as long as i read the chapters; i also have an exam tomorrow.

Lord.

how am i still alive? lol

Expectations.

there's nothing better than the first impression.. but what if said person you're interested in can't even fulfilled their own set "expectations"? people need to stick to their fucking word. don't try to be someone you're not comfortable with being. don't hold high expectations for yourself if you can't fulfill them. there's nothing worse than getting to know someone who can't even commit to simple shit.. better yet, keep up with themselves. if you have a history of jumping from one person to another, inform the other person.

it would save the world a lot of fucking unneeded drama.

that's my PSA for today.

i'm out.

Spring Break '09.

march 6th - 15th.

Jhazmine..
Dallas..
Bryan..

will all be in Fayetteville.. at the same time.

do you know how rare that is? lol i am so fucking excited. this break is going to be dope as fuck. just thinking about it, and making plans is making me smile extra hard.. like, the clan will finally be one after 50 thousands years lol

in the meantime.. i'm about to run into wal-mart with Solis. i got to buy some shit for my apartment for the next 2 weeks.

ciao.

Stroke It.

*sigh*

man.
today.. today was fucking monumental. the weather was wacky. i had a mini adventure at the bus station. i trooped all around campus it seemed like.. i mean.. mountain climbing and all that shit. classes went great today, too.. and monday's are my longest of them all. i'm tired as fuck though. i have no idea why i'm even on the computer. i should be in the bed napping, but it's almost 7pm lol

in bigger news..

i have received indirect clarity over a certain someone/situation. it's no secret Brad pissed me off lol =p i have nothing to hide. however, those close to me won't have to worry about me mentioning his name ever again.. unless there's a "compare a bitch" contest, and he happens to be in the line-up lmao nah.. but seriously.. as much as i hated what when on/happened, it was a learning lesson. i forgive him, blahzay blahzay.. but ask me about him, and i will tell you to fuck off, and that your life sucks ass with a lead pipe lol i'm not one for grudges. i take full advantage of being angry.. and for damn good reasons. he won't have to worry about nothing ever happening to his car or shit like that.

i'm not grimy.

in the meantime..

my head has been back in the books on steady grind mode. i never left.. i just got knocked off track. i got a shit load of work to do before midterms. fuck. it excites me to be busy, but then i get bored/tired easily of doing repetitive shit.

i have online 4D shit to do.
i have a 3D project i'm currently working on.
i have a World Civ. paper/book analysis to write.. and on a book i haven't even began reading.
i have an Art History paper to prepare for.
i have online Physical Science work to do.

fuck.

i'm officially in classwork/homework debt lol

good thing i have patience.

hold up.. great. fucking. thing.

Rofl.

i got texts out the ass today. it all started this morning.. i was either getting clowned for being single or praised lol WTF? i need new friends =p

anywho.. i've pretty much been playing Assassin's Creed since last night/when i woke up this morning from the first text. that game is boss. the assassinations around the city are fucking dope. hunger for moooore..

*salivates at the mouth*

i thi-- wait.. i know i got some homework to do. i will get to that later, and possibly force myself to get used to this new Drake mixtape. it utterly pissed me off at the first couple of listens, it was super meh.. ugh..

in the meantime, i'm going to tame this thing i have on my head called my hair. it's been looking pretty un-pretty for the past three days lol

CANNON! Step Back..

i've been playing the hell out of this Midnight Club: Los Angeles. that game is fucking dope. anywho.. the tracklisting pisses me off though. every song on there is edited. if there's anything in the world i hate with a passion, i hate edited music.

anywho.. he's a Snoop Dogg song i fancy.

Snoop Dogg feat. Kurupt - Press Play:

Joke's On Me. Ha.

it's official. i have the worst luck when it comes to dudes. my "boyfriend" of only one week already has another chick. how did i find out, you ask? glorious MySpace, of course. so many things were said/answered without me even having to get in contact with him lol

omg, yo.

this is so sadddd. i hate opening myself up to potential, and then it comes down crashing and burning. i put up a major front in the beginning for a reason.. but my front came down too fast, haha. wow. kudos to him for accomplishing such a task in about 2wks. talk about a record.

rather find out the truth early than not at all, huh? lol

the power of being avoided, and the shit you find out when you log in to accomplish such a simple thing. haha. i keep telling niggas MySpace gets you in trouble/tells on you.

so much for being honest these days. gah. that's all i ask for. kept it funky, man. i'm soooo blunt about things.. why can't i find a dude who is the same way!?

shit.

this cycle will be vicious in the future if it keeps repeating. hopefully the next guy who attempts to come in my life would want more than just spending nights together, phone calls/texts, and picturemail.

p.s. he deleted me from his personal/music/Facebook page.. haha. the fuck did i do? who goes through all of the trouble of avoiding someone? shit. oh well. back to the drawing board, nahmean? =]

Sweet, Right?

i can't say a lot went on this past weekend, but it feels like it has.

to make a long story short.. i was going home for the weekend and so was Brad. he was excited about his car being ready and seeing me.. well, on top of all of that, he told me there was some drama between a close homeboy of his and his girl; apparently he put his hands on her, and she called Brad and told him.. i told him to deal with all of that, and we will see either other at the end of the day.. no problem, right?

i didn't arrive in Fayetteville until Friday night; he wasn't leaving until the next day. i called him once we were stationary at Solis' house, throughout the day, and when we came back from bringing Chris back to Pembroke that night. i called him again to tell him i made it to the crib and everything around 9pm.. he called me again around midnight, and told me he was on his way to my house and that he was on Raeford road. i have no idea whether he was coming or going and i haven't heard from him since.

all of Sunday goes by.. still no returned phone call or anything; i pretty much stopped blowing him up.

yesterday morning, my Mom wakes me up out of my sleep asking me who left a rose on the mailbox [clearly i don't know, because i was asleep =|]. so i get up to go see, and it dawns on me that it's possibly from Brad, because he did mention about giving me one Friday night.. i told him i didn't like flowers, but he said he was going to give it to me anyway.. blahzay blahzay..

the only thing that's making this entire situation hair pulling from my point.. he didn't even knock on the door or anything.. he just placed it on the mailbox and bounced. the rose was fresh as hell.. so it wasn't long before my Mom woke me up, or when my sister left for school that it was sitting out there in the cold..

i told whoever i came in contact with about it.. blahzay blahzay.. the next thing i know, people are calling it "sweet".. "romantic".. whatever.. and that i'm ungrateful that he even took the time out to let me know rather indirectly that he's okay.. and i guess nothing serious happened to him or whatever..

WTF!? if it was so easy for him to place the rose in the mailbox, why couldn't he come to the door or something? gosh.

pissing me off.

it's tuesday, and i'm not even as freaked out like i was yesterday. i just hope whatever is going on with him, it's nothing serious. i have a very overactive imagination, and goodness..

what's been concocting is not looking pretty.

p.s. maybe i'm just overreacting..

Skydiving Monkeys.

i'm sitting here listening to Asher Roth..

patiently waiting on my Mom to come scoop me up from Winston-Salem.. i've already knocked out a little homework and whatnot; some Art History. i'm about to touch my World Civ. shit in a minute.. i wish my professor would haul ass and send off the terms already so i can get down on those sentences! lol =p

oh man.. i can't wait until i get back to Fayetteville.. all-nighters with the girls are the best.. but i'm not just going home this weekend to kick it with them.. i can't wait to see Brad! =]

boy oh boy. that guy? he rockssss superbly. like.. i don't know what it is about him that makes me just cheese my ass off everytime someone mentions his name, but i am so loving the feeling. although, things are going moderately quick.. i think it's time for me to get a firm grip on the movement of shit. i don't want shit to go too fast, and then we really can't enjoy each other. we are both doing our own thing with our lives.. hell, i'm surprised he's doing this much now to even spend time with me/get to know me with his fastpaced lifestyle [from what it seems like lol].

all in all.. he's great to me right now.
nah. i'm not looking into the "future" with this one; i take whatever is handed to me and i treat with the best care in the worlllldddd!

BestWeekendEvarrrr.

i finally got my tattoo this past friday. i've never been so excited about anything else. i find myself zoning out during lectures, and just staring at my wrist lol [kidding]. the cool thing about today, Brad got his the same night i did.. and on the same hand..

at first i was like: =|

but then i lol'd: =D

the thing that surprised me the most about getting it, i didn't feel too much pain. i think my excitement pretty much cancelled it out. i was grinning and cheesing the entire time when the artist was inking me up.

i'm already planning on getting another one, haha.

to top everything off, Jhaz and Solis came and scooped me up from school that afternoon. i have the coolest friends; love those girls!

p.s. Brad and i are official! =] ♥

now, let's see where this all goes..

How Many.. ?

gah.

i can't wait until i get a car. this is ridiculous. i'm 20 years old, and car-less! when will the massive forces stop booing at my life!? lol

in other news.. today was quite the adventure. i finally made it to my 4D class downtown. i had to get my schedule in working order before i can definitely attend classes. getting down there was easy, but coming back? what an adventure. myself and two classmates rode around on the wrong bus for about an hour.. right back to the bus station. my genius ass didn't even ask anyone who worked there which bus headed back to wssu like i initially had in my mind lol

i spent $3 on riding those damn buses. i'm never following anyone again if they have no idea where they are going lol

never again.

Happy Birthday, Aaliyah!

this woman would have been 30 years old today. i've been on her harder than usual for today.. of course lol in the meantime.. i'm going back to my program.. and then probably cake on the phone..

haha.

ciao. ♥

2 Weeks Later.

it is amazing what happens when you tell someone you like them. i was not expecting shit to unfold like it has.. or maybe i did?

ha.

[to bring you up to speed]

this dude Brad.. his nick. is Knowledge.
he's an emcee.
i went to high school with him.
he lives in Charlotte now.

apparently, he's had a crush on me since high school.
he told me himself he always had an "eye" on me, but he and i were dating other people.. so he never pursued lol =p i got to see him once during my holiday break when i was "single" for that short period. he swung by Solis' apartment [at the time] to see me.. talk about sparks.

gah.
i can't explain it.

of course my silly ass didn't say anything to him then..

now i have.
things are pretty dope, if you ask me.

p.s. [1.16.09]

why does this always happen to me?
every single time a relationship of mine has ran it's course with someone.. it feels like the next person i dated was waiting in an "invisible" line, or some shit lol

for example.. Lamar.. then i broke-up with him.. month later, i began dating Tremaine.. when things started going downhill with him, we forcefully broke-up.. i began dating Cedric.. 10 months go by; we grow apart.. Brad comes into the picture..

GAH! playing catch-up is cool since i didn't really date much in high school.. but Jesus!

rofl.

ADH.

ugh.

friday is drawing near.
just another reminder of Aaliyah's birthday.
she would have been 30 years old.

i miss that chick, man.

if you know me.. you know this day is pretty much celebratory in a sense. i miss her presence in the game. thank goodness they are doing a biopic this year. i can't wait for that! they chose Keisha Chante' to play her.

gah.
the excitement is killing me. Jhazmine and i will most definitely fandango those tickets.

Sprinnnng Classes.

oh man.
it felt hella good to be back on WSSU soil.

i got all of my shit straight, too. i registered for 16 hours this semester, even though it's a total
of about 5 classes, plus a lab for one.

i have:
3D Design
4D Design
Art History II
World Civ.
Physical Science + Lab

i have reasonable class times, and absolutely NO 8 o'clock classes.
waking up at 7am is pretty much heaven compared to last semester when i only had classes 3 times a week.

oh well.
there's a time for change, and a chance for takeover..

i plan on taking over. =]

Well. Um. Yeah.

Ced and i broke things off for good yesterday evening. it was pretty much a mutual agreement. i didn't talk to him for a few days, because i was really putting thought into my decision. breaking the news to him felt that much easier, and kind of lifted a weight of guilt off of my shoulders.

we're both at a point in our lives where we are just not "clicking" like we used to. we barely talked about anything. if i was interrupted while i was on the phone with him, i'd tell him i'd call him back.. and then forget to. i know this sounds bad, but ever since the last break-up in november.. i just completely lost interest. my feelings were so nonchalant, it wasn't even funny. i tried to make myself believe that everything was going to be the same again, but they weren't. i was becoming bored.. a whole month flew by.

then all of a sudden..

a tumbleweed of coolness comes my way the beginning of this week..

i'm crossing my fingers with this one.. and pretty much taking shit extremely slow.

Scary Shit.

i don't know why my silly ass keeps wandering toward those fuckin' msn horoscopes. i swear.. it keeps getting more personal every single time, for example:

"Talking is one way that you could finally get the attention of someone who has haunted you with their charm and style for a long while now. The planets are creating the opportunity for you to finally get within chatting distance, and once you do start to converse, you will both be amazed at how you managed to stay out of each other's lives for so long."

WTF!?

20th Highlights.

yours truly.. and sporting the sombrero i had my Mom buy at City Party.

my Dallas!

my Lis!

my Jhazzy!

more silliness on Facebook. i have over 132 photos from this year's holiday break collectively. wow!

i had such a blast.

20th Birthday!

^.^

i is so happyyyy.
i'm finally 20!

yay.

okay. i is going to sleep now.

ciao. ♥